Hinge expert shares dating advice for ambitious nerds
About This Episode
Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, joins the podcast to apply behavioral science and data to the world of dating. The discussion covers why dating should be treated as a skill to be mastered, the mathematical "optimal stopping theory" for choosing a partner, and why people should ignore the "myth of the spark" in favor of a "slow burn."
Episode Description
Show Notes
- 0:00Intro
- 6:28The secretary problem
- 14:43What's happening with men right now
- 21:07How to do the apps right
- 27:32Meeting someone IRL
- 30:03The power of weak ties
- 36:56How to be a better date
- 40:37Date like a scientist
- 45:44Fuck the spark
- 49:02What's your tendency
- 51:00AI partners
- 57:15Pro tip: join a mens group
- 1:03:23Mental Health vs Mental Fitness
Links
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Key Takeaways
Apply Optimal Stopping Theory: Establish a benchmark for a partner during the first 37% of your dating life and then commit to the next person you meet who is better than that benchmark.
Use 'Support Responses' in conversation: Instead of shifting a story back to your own experiences, ask follow-up questions to demonstrate emotional intelligence and make your partner feel interesting.
Practice the 'Slow Burn' mindset: Do not dismiss a potential partner just because you lack an immediate 'spark'; if there is any attraction, go on a second date to allow feelings to develop over time.